Earlier today I wrote a blog post about how I am feeling much like "a ticking bomb" This is a first for me...but this is the longest time I have gone without being in trouble as well (it's been about a week) I am really proud of myself and I really want this streak to continue for as long as possible. The rules that Ken has in place for me are important to me and I hate to let him down.
On that note I am starting to feel well, confused really by everything I am feeling so here we go. I am anxious, upset, happy, irritated, controlled but mostly confused. This post isn't making any sense I know and I am sorry for that but right now I am not making any sense (if you know what I mean). Up until now I didn't think that DD was something I needed it is something I want for Ken and I because I know that it brings us closer together and to some degree our relationship needs it. And I guess I knew that I needed his dominance, and rules set in place, and a foundation from him and all of the things that this special relationship we have provides. I guess what I am saying is that I didn't know that I needed to be spanked in order to stay sane...and I am still not completely convinced that is true.
I am so confused. Anyways I have tried my best to convey this to Ken, and I think he understands what I am trying to say better than I do haha so I have asked him to help me (Ken likes it when I do that, ask for his help, even though I know he will give it to me anyways) So he said he wants to think his decisions through and we will talk about it tomorrow.
I am both relieved and worried. also confusing. gah.
Okay, Thankyou for reading this far haha, I appreciate it . A couple things to note after reading this. One, I technically have gone about two months without a spanking. You see, as some of you may know, Ken and I stopped "practicing DD" for about eight weeks, two months ago. It was different though because we were not in DD, I was angry when we stopped so was he, I had no interest in doing it again and I didn't think he did either (that is all in a different blog post however) the point is when we did "start again" it was different, so for the most part I feel like we have only been doing this for two months. Also during the break there were a million things distracting me from the thought of DD. When those million things subsided Ken introduced DD back into our relationship rather swiftly.
I would really love to hear some opinions on this post, and again Thank you for reading this far!