Doing better, much better :)

So I am going to give you a brief idea of what was going on with us last night, but no juicy details, partly because they aren't that juicy, I don't really remember them all, but mostly because I don't want to say so much that Ken would be embarrassed ( because come on guys, we know I didn't say anything to be embarrassed of! ;) ). 

This past 4 days or so if you have been reading my blogs, I have been going a little crazy. like a crazy psycho girlfriend, totally not proud of that, but it wasn't entirely my fault. I was feeling very insecure, Ken was far away ( and I am pretty used to this, so I had no idea why I was feeling this way) and we were talking at least once a day, and I was convincing myself that Ken was doing everything he could to connect with me, and that he had lots of things to do (all of which is mostly true) and I just needed to give him that time and enjoy myself in Vancouver, and I did. Near the end of the week I noticed Ken was acting weird, he was leaving his phone off charge and letting it die, and not texting me back, and calling me as usual but not really being there to talk to me. I went crazy, I felt abandoned and insecure, and unloved.

So lat night we talked about it. Ken could not for the life of him understand how in the span of a couple days, I could go from knowing how much he loved me to feeling so insecure. I didn't know how to explain that to him, and I couldn't understand why he didn't understand. He did admit to being a little evasive at the end of the week, and he apologized. In his not understanding though he did say something very hurtful to me, and which I responded with something just as hurtful. It wasn't okay for either of us to act that way and it took a lot of the night just to get over those words enough to talk about everything that had been going on in the past week. In the end we decided that what we were arguing about was hurt feelings more than anything, there was nothing to really argue about. It wasn't quick but after several hours of deciding we were going to hear the other person through and actually listening we began to understand each other. We are still working very hard on our communication and we are certainly not perfect. I love Ken so much, and I was so happy at the end of the night.

When all was said and done, Ken spanked me, what he calls "a sanity spanking" and it was, well I was relieved when it was over. It wasn't something that I enjoyed but I was glad he did it, I needed him and he was there.

ps. partly through typing this post I got spanked because I was supposed to be doing homework. But that's another post.