Tuesday, January 24, 2012

it started with a voice

So, I don't know if anyone is still following "us" or not, but I want to give you an update if you are. Also writing helps me think, so even if no one is following I am updating :).

A couple months ago Ken and I got into an argument, not a big one, I actually can't remember what we were arguing about, in the end I had done something disrespectful and Ken spanked me for it. This is normal, if this is all that had happened everything would have been great but it wasn't. So what made this different is that during the spanking Ken started lecturing me about what we had been arguing about instead of what I was being spanked for. It left me angry, and confused, and everything opposite to what the spanking was supposed to accomplish in our relationship. We ended up agreeing to stop doing DD, which I was surprisingly happy about! I thought I would feel upset, like I'd lost something, I have read in many other blogs that, that is how others have felt. But I didn't. I felt great. It didn't effect our relationship that much, aside from that I would do little things that I used to get spanked for and then just smile at him so he'd know I was just joking around and bugging, and he would laugh. We are still very much in love, and doing great.

About a week later I got quite sick. Nothing of too much concern for me, as the issue is something that has come and gone my whole life but it did occupy my time, and Ken was there very step of the way of course. It did however make it so that I could not update what was going on, or go onto the LearningDD website...although I did message Clint really quickly a couple weeks ago and I hope that got through! :)

Anyways I am feeling great, even better than before which I am so thankful for! I was back on my feet just in time for Christmas break....and that's when I heard it...the voice!

We were on the phone when I was at my parents house and he was at his....I was being irritating about something (who knows what) and I heard in the clearest HOH voice (oh you know what I am talking about)
"cut it out"
....I thought we don't do DD...confused and thinking I must be hearing things I continued
Oh goodness, there was no imagination in that. I protested a little to stopping whatever it is I was doing, and in the end he won (of course).

I didn't ask, or bring it up, I didn't want to DD, I don't want to. I was afraid that it would all start again, I was comfortable (figuratively and literally). At the same time I knew that if Ken wanted to give it another try that's what we would do, and I guess that's why I didn't ask. The "first time" we did DD it was my idea, I had read about it, and I slowly integrated into conversation and we tried it. It was great at first, and until we stopped we really didn't think we were going to.

I didn't have to bring it up though...the next day he said slightly jokingly that he was going to spank me for not listening when he said to cut it out... I was like
 "you are joking right?"
"yeah I guess..."
"you have been using the 'HOH' voice on me you know..."
"Yeah I noticed that after I did it"
What the poop is going on!!
"If we started again, it would be much different this time, we would be doing it my way"
huh? if we do it again?!? umm, I don't think so!!
"We aren't though right?" was all I could manage to say
"I don't know, not immediately anyways"
again what the poop? where is this coming from?!
"I know you don't want to, and we will talk more about it later, but I am thinking that we will"
oh, goodness, we have to talk about it later? "Okay"

I don't really remember how the next conversation went, it's kind of a blur I do however remember being so anxious for him to bring it up again, I just wanted to know what was going on. It didn't take very long though, and we discussed it...and the decision was made to have a 1 month trial period, his way. By this he means: no reading blogs, no chat room on LDD, no writing blogs etc. He says that he feels like last time our relationship was very much effected by the ones he and I were reading, and he doesn't want it to be like that he wants to do it they way he sees best without outside influences, and that includes me reading them too...not happy...and I have cheated. I can't help it! I have come to know a lot of you in my own way haha, and I can't help but wondering how you are. The worst I think is the LDD network, I have missed that the most, I had just started to get to know people and started getting comfortable talking to them before I got sick, and now it is strictly forbidden...actually I don't know how strictly...but forbidden non-the-less.

I hope you enjoyed my 'highly-illegal' update! I want to try and convince Ken to let me go on LDD chat for a little! We'll see I hope to hear from you all!

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